Living in Jamaica and being gay

Jamaica is known for many reasons; one of which is the country that is extremely homophobic and their intolerance level for gay people is at its highest. It is always “bun a batty boy or bun a sadamite.” I personally find it awfully offensive and hurtful when I hear those words from another individual and I am not being bias. I believe that I was born gay— to some extent. From a tender age I was always attracted to the same sex. I use to go over to my pastor’s granddaughter house to ‘play’ and she would always be coming on to me and even though I was young (eight years old) I found it very comforting and I reciprocated the gestures that I was receiving, mind you I had no clue as to what it is that I was doing and it felt awesome. I wasn’t even question about being there so often, because it was me being at play.

I grew up in church (Pentecostal) and I was always taught that being gay is wrong and is an abomination to God, therefore I have always pushed the feeling of being attracted to the same sex away, besides I didn’t understand what those feelings meant. Liking boys was the norm and I delve into that norm, hoping to feel normal. But even though I was trying to feel ‘normal’ by talking to boys, I felt no form of attraction towards boys, there was simply no chemistry. Also I was more confused than anything because my parents would say “not until you are forty (40)” when a boy would come to the gate, trying to talk to me. Therefore I was scared to even talk to boys. Girls could come over and it would be OK, because it’s considered ‘OK’.

I started dating my first girlfriend at eighteen (18) and it felt like the real me and to me it felt like the norm. Of course I couldn’t tell my parents about it; hence I hid it or was in the closet as what some people call it. My step dad found a letter that I hid and immediately told my mother about it and lets just say it didn’t go down well. I was told that God did not make Adam and Steve and its wrong. It didn’t change my feelings and I didn’t stop seeing her, however it was done in the closet and I would deny it to my parents as well. She couldn’t drop me off at the gate and she was no longer allowed to come to the house.

It was quite easy for me to be out in public with another female, because it was more tolerable. I however did not do anything to offend anyone and I lived by “It’s my life and I live how I want to, however I won’t push it in anyone’s face.”

For the most part being in Jamaica and being gay is rough because persons will get mobbed and to some extent I was scared. I hated walking on the road with my partner especially when she dresses a little less feminine. It was evident that we were together and men would make sly remarks about us wanting a ‘cocky’ instead of tongue in our ‘pussies’. There was no major harassment, however I could not be the real me because it was looked down upon and I was scared of being mobbed. When my partner and I go out, whether to the supermarket or just to have a meal all eyes are on us and you can just see person’s minds turning. We have never really encountered any major issues and that is solely based on us being in the closet. That ‘code of living’ seems to work while living in Jamaica and it makes it easier for us to get around.

Being in another country other than Jamaica has granted me the privilege of being me, it is much easier for me to go about my business and not be judged or looked down upon. It felt so good to be able to walk out in public and hold my partner’s hands and even sneak a kiss or two. No one cares. I still don’t push anything in anyone’s face.

I believe it’s our life and we live it how we deemed it fit. Jamaica, I believe will never accept homosexuality and that in itself is OK; because its just our culture and religion.

Anyone should be able to live their life how they want to and be who they want to without being scared of society. Bottom line, if you are gay and living in Jamaica, you have to live in a closet.

Beauty Trends; Break Free

The beauty industry has been on top of its game lately, with every beauty company coming out with various beauty products, basically everyday. Trends are easily set and followed and the beauty industry catches and hangs on to the curtails of such trends.

The technique ‘Strobbing’ became a huge beauty technique and people went crazy over it. I personally do not like the technique. My oily skin will shine like a disco ball in a dark night club normally and then to add extra sheen to it?! No way hose!

Strobbing is simply, highlighting the highest points on your face to catch light. Now you would think that highlighting is already done during the foundation application phase of applying your makeup, using a concealer one to two shades lighter than your actual skin tone; however, it is actually putting a shimmering highlighter on your cheekbones, brow bone, tip of your nose, top of your cupid’s bow (the area right below your nose on your upper lip) and the temples of your head. In my mind it is basically, dipping your face in fried chicken oil. Now can you imagine sheen upon oily skin?! Total mess.

Every season, beauty products change. I love makeup, however, I personally do not feel the need to be purchasing new makeup every season, because of trends. Why cant I wear cranberry lipstick or olive green eye shadow during summer? I get that it is hot and no one wants to be burden down with heavy makeup, but isn’t that the whole point of makeup anyways, to wear whatever you desire that makes you feel good about yourself?

Is it that these beauty companies are creating these trends to dig more money out of our pockets? I think that is the case.

I love warm tone colors all year round, it doesn’t matter if its cold out or not; maybe it has to do with the fact that I am from a tropical country or maybe certain colors looks ridiculous on me? Either way, I do not want to feel like I am subjected to seasonal colors and trends. I will wear any color I feel like wearing anytime of the year. Besides, not every trend looks good on everyone. Do what makes you comfortable and break free from beauty trends.

Which would you choose; lesbian or straight loving?

As human beings our minds, body and soul wonders, longs for and always wants new and exciting
experiences. These experiences vary from minor to major, especially sexual experiences. We think that
us as humans should always fulfil our sexual desires in life. We may be willing to try anything to add to
our sexual pleasures. It’s not just for each person to just climax (‘cum’), but to enjoy sexual pleasure
from the beginning to the end, whether it’s a quick five minutes or a marathon.

At times props are added to a sexual session to make it more memorable but most of all to ‘add spice’
and more ecstasy to the relationship. In a heterosexual relationship a man may make it his main duty
to please his woman; therefore he may not be so susceptible to any introduction of props in a sexual
relationship. Some men think women are literally an energizer bunny that goes on and on and on, not
taking the time out to explore the contours of their women’s body, just jump on, ride and go. This can
be a major turn off for women. There are times when women may desire a ‘quickie’ but even that in
itself should be done with care.

Women respond extremely well to a man who takes the time out to care for their bodies, to show that
they are not just seen as a sex machine or a reproductive tool. Oral sex was considered taboo, and even
in this day and age some men still ‘bun it out’. But with this comes cheating, because some women do
not climax without having their clit licked and sucked, for the most part the G-spot is not enough for
climaxing, stimulation of the clitoris is needed, from a warm, wet tongue. On the other hand some men
would literally pay to ‘eat’ a woman out, and with this is, women nowadays literally go for. ‘If you are
not going to be eating then you will not be wining’. Women expect that men should be ready and be up
for anything in the bedroom, no boundaries, and in return pleasure beyond pleasures.

Visualizing intimacy between two women is very hot and steamy. The sexual experience between
them is very passionate and detailed, because a woman knows what she wants sexually and how to
gain that pleasure. She will take the time out to please her partner, and is always up for new sexual
experiences. Lesbians are very passionate people, they are very sensitive and this relationship is much
more tolerated. Two women are sexy, four perky tits sucked and caressed gently into hardness, two
succulent lips pressed against each other, while the tongues explore the interiors of each other’s mouth,
and of course two wet vaginas, with pulsating clits, waiting to be pleased. The sexual encounter is very
intriguing and exciting. So a woman will respond significantly to another woman pleasing her.

The reality of the matter is that, a lesbian relationship is sexually exciting and more adventurous and
pleasing. At the end of the day some or most women prefer a stiff, hot tongue versus a hard penis,
poking in and around their promise land.

Are you a soldier of Love OR plain stupid?

The heart tends to fall for who it wants, without even considering what the mind wants. It deciphers its own feelings and interprets them on its own free will.

Being in love is one of the greatest and most intense feelings you can ever experience in your life. Love is a powerful emotion. It can drive you crazy, it causes hurt in the most painful and heart wrenching way, but most of all what we seek from the feeling is a creation of happiness and a bond of two souls as one.

When you enter into an intimate relationship, it is an obvious expectation that you will give your all. In my view and my partner’s, you should give your “heart, soul and batty hole”.  That person becomes your everything and you can sit in silence with your partner and still enjoy each other’s company. This is the person you can be as goofy as possible with and at the same time be serious when needed. You expect that it all should be reciprocated, but lo and behold you are the only one giving….immediate red flag!

Just like the game of football, obtaining a red card means you have exceeded your warnings and you have to sit out the current game as well as the next. In a relationship, when a red flag goes up, it means that there is a constant occurrence of a particular issue(s), or an occurrence of a really huge one. Does this mean that it’s time to jump ship? Or are you willing to test your strength to see how much of a true soldier of love you are?

How much are you willing to sacrifice in the name of LOVE? Are you going to just sit, with your hands tied behind your back, while you are being tortured? Are you that foolish to stay while you are constantly being hurt, your feelings are constantly being crushed, your mental and physical health are hanging by a thread and on top of it all you are expected to give a “good whine”? Don’t get me wrong, sometimes sex does solve some of the issues, as a little tension may need to be release to heal the wounds of the relationship. However if the wounds are constantly being opened, then all shops should remain closed.  If this is what you endure, then hats off to you. In my opinion and trust me, you are plain stupid. As my fellow Jamaican women would say, “If him nah beat mi, him nuh love mi”. Need I say more?! It’s pretty clear that you are a soldier of love who needs to go back to basic training.

On the other hand you can be experiencing all the hurt and pain in the relationship, but as soon as you put your foot down and stand firm, your partner (given that this person is a rational human being) will realize that they are indeed hurting you and genuinely step their game up, making the relationship worthwhile and lasting. If that is the case, THEN you can perform the “boom wuk”.

In the end, it’s up to you to know how much you are willing to take and endure. It is better and healthier to be single, than sitting in a hurtful relationship. Do not be scared to be “you” in the relationship and express how you really feel. Love yourself first before you can love others. Go through the struggles and tests, but be sure to check your feelings at the end of each test. Only a true soldier of love will know when to decipher the thin line between love and stupidity.

Tattered-love (TL)

Seeing that I already shared my views, I wanted you guys to have alternative views, so I asked Kerry, a friend of mine to weigh in on the topic. What say you Kerry? 

So, time and again you ask yourself, “Am I really doing this?” “Do I really want this?” Two fundamental questions that are asked in every relationship, but if you find yourself sitting and asking these questions too often, it means that there are some red flags in this partnership that need to be looked at and assessed. Think of all the extremes that you have gone through as a couple, and look at where you are now. Was it worth it? Think of all the times that you played together, laughed, watched the tv, just took the time out to look at each other, and when the hardest of times hit, you could push through, work it out and stand together as soldiers of love. Love is never definite, and so its rare that persons go the extra mile, because no-one wants to put in the extra work, that’s when there’s trouble in the camp. Never be confused though, there is a difference between being a soldier of love, and being naive/foolish in love. Love is great, the down side to it, is that it can be the most painful experience ever in life. Not because you’re loving someone means they are loving you back the way they ought to, trust me, to be in a relationship where you are loving this person and they are doing more harm to you than good with the relationship, means that you’re being naïve for believing this is only what you can get, and foolish for not thinking you deserve better. But because you feel/believe/think you can do no better in finding that someone who is just right for you, you remain in this hurtful situation. Being single and happy, is better than being in a relationship and still feeling alone, there is a fine line between love/hurt/hate and only true Soldiers of Love will be able to differentiate and determine their fate. What it all comes down to is that sometimes you will never know. There are some relationships that have the most rocky beginnings, where one or both partners thought of leaving countless times, and in the end, the problems they were going through get sorted out and they end up having the best of relationships. What this means is that each relationship is different, each person in the relationship has to decide what they are willing to bear. If you find yourself staying in a relationship where the person is putting you through more than you can bear and yet you stay, then you might be a fool for love. My opinion is that you should set some boundaries with your partner and hold firm to them. If you tell your partner that whatever they’re doing is hurting you and the relationship, yet when they continue you stay with them, then they will continue to do what they’re doing, because they realize that you’re not going to leave. You might be thinking that you cannot do without your partner but as I stated earlier, in my opinion it is better to be single and happy. Don’t take this to mean that I’m encouraging everyone experiencing problems in their relationships to pack up and leave, that’s not the case. Every relationship has problems, and many of them can be worked out, but when those problems become a threat to your mental and physical health, then its time to let Houston know you’ve got a problem. In simple terms, every relationship has its own unique problems, you have to decide when they are too much for you to bear and take action like a good soldier of love ought to.

K.M.D.