Are you a soldier of Love OR plain stupid?

The heart tends to fall for who it wants, without even considering what the mind wants. It deciphers its own feelings and interprets them on its own free will.

Being in love is one of the greatest and most intense feelings you can ever experience in your life. Love is a powerful emotion. It can drive you crazy, it causes hurt in the most painful and heart wrenching way, but most of all what we seek from the feeling is a creation of happiness and a bond of two souls as one.

When you enter into an intimate relationship, it is an obvious expectation that you will give your all. In my view and my partner’s, you should give your “heart, soul and batty hole”.  That person becomes your everything and you can sit in silence with your partner and still enjoy each other’s company. This is the person you can be as goofy as possible with and at the same time be serious when needed. You expect that it all should be reciprocated, but lo and behold you are the only one giving….immediate red flag!

Just like the game of football, obtaining a red card means you have exceeded your warnings and you have to sit out the current game as well as the next. In a relationship, when a red flag goes up, it means that there is a constant occurrence of a particular issue(s), or an occurrence of a really huge one. Does this mean that it’s time to jump ship? Or are you willing to test your strength to see how much of a true soldier of love you are?

How much are you willing to sacrifice in the name of LOVE? Are you going to just sit, with your hands tied behind your back, while you are being tortured? Are you that foolish to stay while you are constantly being hurt, your feelings are constantly being crushed, your mental and physical health are hanging by a thread and on top of it all you are expected to give a “good whine”? Don’t get me wrong, sometimes sex does solve some of the issues, as a little tension may need to be release to heal the wounds of the relationship. However if the wounds are constantly being opened, then all shops should remain closed.  If this is what you endure, then hats off to you. In my opinion and trust me, you are plain stupid. As my fellow Jamaican women would say, “If him nah beat mi, him nuh love mi”. Need I say more?! It’s pretty clear that you are a soldier of love who needs to go back to basic training.

On the other hand you can be experiencing all the hurt and pain in the relationship, but as soon as you put your foot down and stand firm, your partner (given that this person is a rational human being) will realize that they are indeed hurting you and genuinely step their game up, making the relationship worthwhile and lasting. If that is the case, THEN you can perform the “boom wuk”.

In the end, it’s up to you to know how much you are willing to take and endure. It is better and healthier to be single, than sitting in a hurtful relationship. Do not be scared to be “you” in the relationship and express how you really feel. Love yourself first before you can love others. Go through the struggles and tests, but be sure to check your feelings at the end of each test. Only a true soldier of love will know when to decipher the thin line between love and stupidity.

Tattered-love (TL)

Seeing that I already shared my views, I wanted you guys to have alternative views, so I asked Kerry, a friend of mine to weigh in on the topic. What say you Kerry? 

So, time and again you ask yourself, “Am I really doing this?” “Do I really want this?” Two fundamental questions that are asked in every relationship, but if you find yourself sitting and asking these questions too often, it means that there are some red flags in this partnership that need to be looked at and assessed. Think of all the extremes that you have gone through as a couple, and look at where you are now. Was it worth it? Think of all the times that you played together, laughed, watched the tv, just took the time out to look at each other, and when the hardest of times hit, you could push through, work it out and stand together as soldiers of love. Love is never definite, and so its rare that persons go the extra mile, because no-one wants to put in the extra work, that’s when there’s trouble in the camp. Never be confused though, there is a difference between being a soldier of love, and being naive/foolish in love. Love is great, the down side to it, is that it can be the most painful experience ever in life. Not because you’re loving someone means they are loving you back the way they ought to, trust me, to be in a relationship where you are loving this person and they are doing more harm to you than good with the relationship, means that you’re being naïve for believing this is only what you can get, and foolish for not thinking you deserve better. But because you feel/believe/think you can do no better in finding that someone who is just right for you, you remain in this hurtful situation. Being single and happy, is better than being in a relationship and still feeling alone, there is a fine line between love/hurt/hate and only true Soldiers of Love will be able to differentiate and determine their fate. What it all comes down to is that sometimes you will never know. There are some relationships that have the most rocky beginnings, where one or both partners thought of leaving countless times, and in the end, the problems they were going through get sorted out and they end up having the best of relationships. What this means is that each relationship is different, each person in the relationship has to decide what they are willing to bear. If you find yourself staying in a relationship where the person is putting you through more than you can bear and yet you stay, then you might be a fool for love. My opinion is that you should set some boundaries with your partner and hold firm to them. If you tell your partner that whatever they’re doing is hurting you and the relationship, yet when they continue you stay with them, then they will continue to do what they’re doing, because they realize that you’re not going to leave. You might be thinking that you cannot do without your partner but as I stated earlier, in my opinion it is better to be single and happy. Don’t take this to mean that I’m encouraging everyone experiencing problems in their relationships to pack up and leave, that’s not the case. Every relationship has problems, and many of them can be worked out, but when those problems become a threat to your mental and physical health, then its time to let Houston know you’ve got a problem. In simple terms, every relationship has its own unique problems, you have to decide when they are too much for you to bear and take action like a good soldier of love ought to.

K.M.D.