Has chivalry evolved or is it merely put… dead?

I am a pretty modern individual, but I have a lot of old fashion ways core values in me (Yes! I grew up with my grandmother). While I appreciate every aspects of ‘girl power’ certain core roles are still important within a relationship, be it intimate or social.

Being independent is an awesome feeling and it is super attractive, however, is it an excuse that we kill the code of conduct within a relationship? Chivalry is an elegant and attractive character one could have. Does this mean that the relationship have to be intimate and serious before, you can hold the door? And when I say intimate, I don’t mean a ‘slam-bam, thank you madam’ kind of intimacy.

Most modern women are very independent in life and in love, but I would gather that they want someone who will still treat them like ladies, like a delicate flower; however, chivalry has become increasingly rare.

But who is to be blamed for this untimely passing? Is it dead or has it evolved? Is it in a coma somewhere, waiting to take its last breath, due to the rise of feminism? Even so, does being a feminist dictates that chivalry should take a back seat?

 

 

Relationships now-a-days are built solely on social stigma and every details of such relationship is plastered all over social media for all to see. No one courts anymore. The idea is that, if money is spending, then the ‘goods’ should be running, otherwise it’s a waste of time and of course money. Spending money on a nice dinner does not automatically means you will be getting anything in return. It may guarantee you a second date, at least. ‘Oh, you bought a $24 meal at Olive Garden, well there goes the under garments.’ Gone are the days, when a guy would have to court a girl a few months before getting a ‘chups’ on the lips. Now as soon as the date has started, the expectation of intimacy is significantly high.

Chivalry in my opinion is very important in relationships (and I am strong feminist). It shows character and it shows that the person is not just solely into you for a ‘quick meal’.

 

 

A few pointers to consider:

  1. Simply holding the door – You step out or into a building and someone is behind you, do you let the door go and perhaps let it hit them or do you hold it to let whomever through? Do you expect something in return for such a kind gesture? Is it going to be the death of you if you do?
  2. Getting the car when it’s raining – my spouse and I went out and it was raining real hard. I was in heels and obviously it would have taken me a longer time to get to the car. She walked in the rain, got the car and parked as close as possible to the side walk, just so I could get as little wet as possible. Enough said.
  3. Avoiding games – A relationship isn’t a game! Say what you want and mean it. Don’t beat around the bush, climb the mountain, cross the river and the valley before saying clearly what is it that you want. This doesn’t mean you are going to force what you want down someone’s throat. Show your interest with small gestures, even large ones and mean it. Playing around is very old and tired.
  4. Little here and there public gestures – holding hands are a big deal for a lot of individuals, especially women. It shows that you are not afraid to show the world that he/she is yours and you are proud. A little peck is a big plus too, but don’t go over board to the point where a room is required.
  5. Being respectful – Now this is a major deal, better yet it is the most important thing there is. Respect goes a long way and if your significant other does not respect you, then honey, hit the road. Not having respect in any form of relationship is a recipe for disaster.
  6. Stepping up/in during awkward situations – Offer your seat to the elderly lady who just got on the bus and has to stand or to the pregnant lady who is holding on for dear life as the bus turns and bounced about around the corner. Even though you are freezing, offer up your jacket.

We have become so self-satisfied that we have forgotten the little gestures that help our relationships grow into better ones.

We have fallen prey to the independent anthem of ‘not needing anyone’s help’ but then when ‘a come bang’ text is sent the feeling of being used for only sex arises. what gives?

Some individual like the ‘no strings attached mentality ‘where a ride home in the morning and a crois-sandwich is needed and we will just carry on on our merry way as if nothing happened last night.

There is no ‘right’ way to court someone these days, because it has now become abnormal to do so. It’s not a one-size fits all approach. Most women like to be wined, dined and romanced, be a knight is shining armor, just the like the good ole fashion days. The rest… well…may think that the other person is trying too hard or he hasn’t ask for sex, so he is not into me. In other words, what one woman may see as courtly, the other may see it as offensive or pitiful (I wonder what is that they seek out of a relationship?).

We live in a society where the hookup culture is now customary , where some women are willing participants. We blame feminism for our lack of understanding the simple code of conduct in how to act. Being a feminist should not hinder chivalry. Embrace a woman’s independence and at the same time show her that you can take care of her, if needs be. For the most part, the majority of women does enjoy a chivalrous relationship where they are the ones that hold the cards, however, it is up to them to act accordingly (act lady-like), and when they do, the first dinner will not be from a takeout menu.

 

 

 

 

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What happen to good manners?

<< Rewind…

Going home from the supermarket and you pass Mr. Jones on the way.

“Good Afternoon Mr. Jones!”

Fast Forward >>…

Going home from the supermarket and you pass Mr. Jones on the way.

*Looks at Mr. Jones and keep on walking*

The difference is quite obvious, manners is lacking greatly.

Growing up and spending quite an amount of time with my grandmother, I was taught to respect my elders at all times, be kind and most of all, have manners to whomever I come in contact with.

“Manners carry yuh trough di worl.” — That’s a favorite saying that my grandmother would repeatedly say to me growing up and I would literally try to see how that would be possible. I suppose I was thinking about the physicality of it actually carrying you through the world, you know, like a car carrying you around. Now as an adult, I fully understand what that saying means.

I see where children respond to their parents or their elders in ways I would never dare dream of doing, not even now as an adult. First of all I would certainly receive a wonderful box to the face, if I dear fix my mouth to respond to my mother in any way, shape or form that is disrespectful.

I remember I was told to put some washing soap in the machine and start the cycle. I could not find the soap for the life of me, so I went and ask my mother if she had seen the soap. She didn’t know where it was either and I don’t know where my smack mouth got the courage to utter the words ” yuh sure yuh nuh kno wey it deh, because yuh maybe use it and nuh put it back?” I mean, it might not look like something that was bad to say to my mother, however, the tone in which I said it was beyond disrespectful. My mother gave me a look that if looks could kill, I would have rolled over and died! I immediately regretted what I had said and left the room before things got even more serious. She doesn’t play when it comes on to having manners!

Answering people with ‘what’, ‘yes’ and ‘so’ is, in my eyes rude. Yes who? Yes Dumpling! Yes Yam… Yes Whom?? You could be a small child or a grown adult, manners is very important and you are never too old to have good manners.

Say “Thank you!” When someone holds the door for you.

Say “Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening!” When you pass someone by or persons that you come in contact with.

Say “Please!”

Apologize sincerely and mean it. “I am sorry” has never killed anyone.

Granted because some of us are/were raised lacking manners, we may not comprehend when someone is showing an act of kindness, worst if it’s random, it would come across as the individual being ‘weird’.

Nowadays, parents are afraid to be strict with their child/children because they are afraid of bruising their personalities. Discipline is lacking greatly, because manners are through the door.

I have witnessed a child literally going back and forth with his mother in public and the mother just allowed it. Ah, hell no! First of all if that child was raised with good values then he would not even think to open his mouth and utter any word/s of disrespect. Mind you, kids will be kids, however, parents needs to know when to nip it in the bud. Don’t have the “spare the rod and spoil the child” mentality.

Its not just children that lack manners these days. As soon as we hit the adult mark, we tend to forget our manners. We think that we are now grown and can do what we please without considering others. Simple etiquette is gone and we become such aggressive and senseless beings. Sometimes over simple things.

Having good manners shows acts of kindness and respect and is super important in our daily lives. We use it to make a good impression on other persons and it makes us feel good about ourselves as well. No matter where you  or who you are, manners are the building blocks of each of us whether it be at home, work, or with friends.

Good manners are more than just opening a door and replying “thank you.” While opening a door and saying thank you is nice, true courtesy goes deeper. Because some of us may do or say it and not mean it. Being polite and courteous means considering how others are feeling as well.

Once we practice good manners, we are showing those around us that we are considerate of their feelings and we are respectful. We are also setting standards for others’ behavior and encouraging them to treat us with the same respect as well.

Every culture and individual may have different protocols and feelings about what is polite from what is not polite. The goal, however, is to review some of the more basic and common rules of polite behavior in our society. No matter how much these rules may differ from person to person or situation to situation, the general and basic rule of good manners—and life, in general, is simple and easy to follow- do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

 

Good Manners is priceless!