An elderly couple that I knew, who only had each other in this great big wonderful world, was hit with the sad reality that one had to go without the other. The husband had a series of illnesses, which was quite clear that the inevitable was quickly approaching. He died a few weeks ago and I started reflecting on the thought of being alone and of the wife and what she must be going through.
He has left this earth and now the wife stands by herself, all alone in the world. The one person that completely understood her and had spent the last thirty years of her life with, is now gone, never to return.
So I ask the questions, do we fully understand being alone versus loneliness? Is it ok to go through life singing the ‘I can do bad all by myself anthem?’
Many people enjoy being alone. I do sometimes, but we are not wired to be alone, we crave companionship. We readily welcome any form of human contact within our lives.
For some the line between being alone and lonely is a very thin one that is crossed ever too often. We squeeze the two together into one and chalk it up to ‘finding ourselves.’ Nothing is wrong with that, as many people are introverts and find it difficult to be around people and have to figure out who they are as an individual.
An astonishing amount of individuals has a significant fear of being alone (myself included), to an extent. This doesn’t mean that some of us do not know how to be or function by ourselves. It just means that we enjoy a steady human contact (No! not sex, it’s not always about sex). My spouse and I can just sit in each other’s presence, not say a word and be content with the knowledge that we are physically present in the moment.
It’s a scary yet exciting world out there and it’s even scarier to travel and explore it alone.
We may fear being without our families, our friends or our significant others. This is a natural feeling and we have all felt it at some point in time in our lives and we may even try desperately to avoid dealing with it, which can lead to immense misery within us.
We all desire the need for that one person who knows our scariest secrets (you don’t? Well… I do) and who will always be there no matter the circumstances to catch us when we fall; that one person that we can rely on at all times.
But with this desire comes an enormous liability towards others as well as towards ourselves in that, we first have to learn to be by ourselves and enjoy it; without this a relationship can become primarily flawed, because there is a great dependent on one person, which can become quite overbearing.
We must learn to find a sense of freedom in isolation, where we can stand on our own and be content with ourselves first, before we can join in union with another human being (#selfLove).
Some individuals are so into themselves that they over compensate loneliness. I have heard where persons state that they are not afraid of being alone, yet they ‘monkey bar’ their way through life from one partner to another, not taking the time to really get to know who they are as a person and being true to who they are. Now I am not judging, if that works for you, then hats off to you.
Being lonely in my opinion is never a good thing.
1. Loneliness is the seclusion that comes with an unmet expectation, results… such feeling are not returned.
2. Loneliness is screaming within and no one is there to calm the storm.
3. It is the sense of emotional abandonment.
4. Loneliness leads to you blaming yourself for everything in your life.
5. You become so disconnected from everyone and everything.
6. You become dependent on others for your happiness.
7. You become so restless to the point where you become so rooted in fear.
Now imagine going through life dealing with some if not all the above?
Is that a healthy way to live?
Loneliness is a state of mind and it doesn’t depend on other people, it simply means that there is something empty within us. It can even be portrayed as a chronic illness.
Some may even say you could be surrounded by lots of friends and families and still be lonely, but atleast there is someone there to ‘pass yuh a cup of wata and two pill if yuh head a hurt yuh.
While it’s great and dandy to be in tune with ourselves and be caught up in your own world, it remains that in order to function effectively around another individual, we have to try and keep our thoughts positive and our minds clear. This will then allow us to intertwine ourselves with another individual and function for the betterment of the two of you.
I am not saying to go find someone and dump your entire burden on them and even settle for someone who doesn’t make you happy, but you stay in fear of being alone, however, it’s necessary to try and deal with such issues before they move from an ant hill to a mountain and spiral out of control.
Companionship is an essential part of life. I take pleasure in the fact that I have that one person who knows my inner most thoughts, who has seen me at my worst, who has cheered me on my best and who has been there through thick and thin and while I have close family members and friends, everyone is off doing their own thing, building their own lives, some even, trying to keep their heads above water, some…. just simply going through life.
It’s an amazing feeling, knowing well that you will always have that one person who will always be there for you, who if life prolongs or allows it, will sit together and read the paper (well… there might not be tangible reading materials then) and who you will soak your dentures in a glass of water with, in essence, that one person you will grow old with.
And when the inevitable comes, that one person will be by your side, heart wrenching, tears rolling down but holding your hand as you depart this world.
Just like the elderly couple, who only had each other even up to the end. I am sure that while it’s scary for the wife to be left standing alone, she took great comfort in knowing that she had fond memories of her husband, she was with him every step of the way, right up to the end. #truelove