What happen to good manners?

<< Rewind…

Going home from the supermarket and you pass Mr. Jones on the way.

“Good Afternoon Mr. Jones!”

Fast Forward >>…

Going home from the supermarket and you pass Mr. Jones on the way.

*Looks at Mr. Jones and keep on walking*

The difference is quite obvious, manners is lacking greatly.

Growing up and spending quite an amount of time with my grandmother, I was taught to respect my elders at all times, be kind and most of all, have manners to whomever I come in contact with.

“Manners carry yuh trough di worl.” — That’s a favorite saying that my grandmother would repeatedly say to me growing up and I would literally try to see how that would be possible. I suppose I was thinking about the physicality of it actually carrying you through the world, you know, like a car carrying you around. Now as an adult, I fully understand what that saying means.

I see where children respond to their parents or their elders in ways I would never dare dream of doing, not even now as an adult. First of all I would certainly receive a wonderful box to the face, if I dear fix my mouth to respond to my mother in any way, shape or form that is disrespectful.

I remember I was told to put some washing soap in the machine and start the cycle. I could not find the soap for the life of me, so I went and ask my mother if she had seen the soap. She didn’t know where it was either and I don’t know where my smack mouth got the courage to utter the words ” yuh sure yuh nuh kno wey it deh, because yuh maybe use it and nuh put it back?” I mean, it might not look like something that was bad to say to my mother, however, the tone in which I said it was beyond disrespectful. My mother gave me a look that if looks could kill, I would have rolled over and died! I immediately regretted what I had said and left the room before things got even more serious. She doesn’t play when it comes on to having manners!

Answering people with ‘what’, ‘yes’ and ‘so’ is, in my eyes rude. Yes who? Yes Dumpling! Yes Yam… Yes Whom?? You could be a small child or a grown adult, manners is very important and you are never too old to have good manners.

Say “Thank you!” When someone holds the door for you.

Say “Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening!” When you pass someone by or persons that you come in contact with.

Say “Please!”

Apologize sincerely and mean it. “I am sorry” has never killed anyone.

Granted because some of us are/were raised lacking manners, we may not comprehend when someone is showing an act of kindness, worst if it’s random, it would come across as the individual being ‘weird’.

Nowadays, parents are afraid to be strict with their child/children because they are afraid of bruising their personalities. Discipline is lacking greatly, because manners are through the door.

I have witnessed a child literally going back and forth with his mother in public and the mother just allowed it. Ah, hell no! First of all if that child was raised with good values then he would not even think to open his mouth and utter any word/s of disrespect. Mind you, kids will be kids, however, parents needs to know when to nip it in the bud. Don’t have the “spare the rod and spoil the child” mentality.

Its not just children that lack manners these days. As soon as we hit the adult mark, we tend to forget our manners. We think that we are now grown and can do what we please without considering others. Simple etiquette is gone and we become such aggressive and senseless beings. Sometimes over simple things.

Having good manners shows acts of kindness and respect and is super important in our daily lives. We use it to make a good impression on other persons and it makes us feel good about ourselves as well. No matter where you  or who you are, manners are the building blocks of each of us whether it be at home, work, or with friends.

Good manners are more than just opening a door and replying “thank you.” While opening a door and saying thank you is nice, true courtesy goes deeper. Because some of us may do or say it and not mean it. Being polite and courteous means considering how others are feeling as well.

Once we practice good manners, we are showing those around us that we are considerate of their feelings and we are respectful. We are also setting standards for others’ behavior and encouraging them to treat us with the same respect as well.

Every culture and individual may have different protocols and feelings about what is polite from what is not polite. The goal, however, is to review some of the more basic and common rules of polite behavior in our society. No matter how much these rules may differ from person to person or situation to situation, the general and basic rule of good manners—and life, in general, is simple and easy to follow- do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

 

Good Manners is priceless!

Family Expectations; dragging you down or uplifting you?

Family is very important to me. I would think it is the same for all or a lot of people. Your family defines your identity and instills certain values in you. They say that your siblings and cousins are your first best friends and they are always there for you no matter what! Its an automatic given.

Family for some people is as the word means, just merely co-existing within a household and sharing financial responsibilities. However, on the other hand, it has many significant meanings to it. But are our expectations of our various family members too high? Are we being dragged down by the ones who we expect to always be there for us?

Lets chat!

Every member of a family lives their own lives how they deem it fit, however, some family expectations are way too high and can become strenuous on individuals who are trying to please a particular family member/s. In some cultures, the eldest sibling is suppose be the one that goes out and set an example for the younger sibling/s and pave the way for them to follow suit. Modern society has gone against that and from it, stems a problem/s.

As soon as a particular family member starts to make some form of progress in their lives, its of the expectation that that particular family member should not be excelling so well. It is understandable to ‘feel a way’ about your younger sibling or cousin or whomever excelling and you feeling like you are not going anywhere; BUT that is not an excuse to ‘bad mind’ the individual.

Family members can become major leeches. You will always be there for your them every single time they are in need, but if you happen to say no one time, then its as if you have never done anything for them.

They just take and take and take some more and then says and wishes the worst for you, because you can not fill the need for them to maintain their nail appointment or buy their Peruvian virgin hair.

Yes, families have their ups and downs and that’s how it is suppose to be as there is no perfect family. Is your family perfect? If so, something is wrong with you! (I am just saying); however, having ups and downs, doesn’t mean that you can’t congratulate me on an accomplishment, a milestone in my life or something that is important to me. Whats even worst is you pretending to be happy for me and then talk smack behind my back! Hypocrite does not look good on a lot of people. If so be the case, just don’t be happy for me… period.

As soon as you make an attempt to make some sort of progress in your life, you are deemed not family oriented and you do not care about your family. Buy a new car or better yet, buy a house and then you will see their true colors, for most it would be green. Funny thing is when you do make something of your life, they are the same ones stretching out a hand or two with high expectations from your success and then sits down expecting hand me outs. How does one’s brain function as such? I just cant figure it out. The pie is big enough for everyone who wants a bite.

I am not saying to turn your back on your family, hell no! but gauge the high expectations and watch out for the snakes in your grass. You know cut your lawn regularly, because you may just get bitten.

So yes family is super important to everyone, but it begs the question, are they dragging you down or are they genuinely wishing you the best and wanting what’s good for you? Shouldn’t they be uplifting you and cheering you along? Isnt that an automatic given? It doesn’t take rocket science to comprehend that.

The ‘crab in a barrel’ mentality within a family has got to stop. Can it be stopped? Is it so etched in our DNA that its the norm?

Many people would argue that it is just the way of life, just deal with it and live a life that is pleasing to yourself. Truth is we all need our family around and without family, we tend to loose our identity, but is it worth the burden of the non well wishers?

 

Not a Daddy’s Girl

Luther Vandross’ song Dance with my father again, is a very powerful song, well at least for me. The words of the song has a lot of meaning as well as the video. I find that song to be very touching, touching in a way where I will never know what it is like to have a father, much-less to dance with. I mean, I do have a father, however, I do not have a father, if you understand what I mean.

I would consider myself a typical Jamaican fatherless individual. My mother and grandmother were/is my mother and father.

 

I have no clue as to why my father was not not in my life and is still not in my life and the funny thing is I know about him and so does he.

My mom had me at what one would consider a young age and I suppose my father figured that she could take care of me by herself and therefore, I would not need a him around.

To be honest, it did not really bother me as much as a child growing up, because living in Jamaica and growing up without a father in the home was the norm. As I got older, I began to wonder why I did not have my biological father around. I would see him once in a blue moon and then he would just disappear into thin air (the last time I saw him was at 13 years old and that was after another 6 or 7 years of him missing in action). I had absolutely no connection to him and my mother tried very hard to shield me from the ‘hurt’. For me it felt like I was maybe odd and I was not wanted by him. Funny thing is, I am his only daughter, imagine that!

I use to search the papers in hopes of seeing his name and would be able to contact him. It never happened. Like I said he vanished into thin air.

He did not even try to locate me at no point in time. Every  time the blue moon would appear and I would see him, it would be by the biding of my mother.

How can you have a child/children and not wonder how they are, how they eat, how they sleep, better yet if they are still alive? I am perfectly sure I was not conceived by my mother only.

I eventually dealt with the fact that I was fatherless and whenever I was asked about my father, I would say “I don’t have one.” I still don’t. Maybe harsh to the ears, but it’s the truth.

Father’s day of 2004, Luther Vandross’ song was playing and my heart got so heavy, realization hit and I made up my mind to accept that I was a one parent child. That day I decided that I was going to stop looking and searching, because the man that is suppose to be my father, did not want me to be in his life. He did not want to be found, well…. by me.

Fast forward to today…

I will never see myself as a daddy’s girl. I would see various persons talk about their dad and be all happy and I would think good for them. I get angry every time I hear of him or his name. My grand father passed and it cemented the fact that I do not want to deal with my father. Because of him, I had no connection with my grandparents. Yes, I have his contact information and he has mine (after years of not seeing him or contacting him), but I do not feel or see the need to deal with him.

Some may say a lot about me and who I am stems from that, my partner thinks so. In truth and in fact, I am not even sure I have processed the whole thing. What is there to process anyways? I think I have gone numb on that aspect of my life.

It is the norm to not grow up with a father. Wait…. I did have a father, my mom.

In essence, I will never be a daddy’s girl!