Living in Jamaica and being gay

Jamaica is known for many reasons; one of which is the country that is extremely homophobic and their intolerance level for gay people is at its highest. It is always “bun a batty boy or bun a sadamite.” I personally find it awfully offensive and hurtful when I hear those words from another individual and I am not being bias. I believe that I was born gay— to some extent. From a tender age I was always attracted to the same sex. I use to go over to my pastor’s granddaughter house to ‘play’ and she would always be coming on to me and even though I was young (eight years old) I found it very comforting and I reciprocated the gestures that I was receiving, mind you I had no clue as to what it is that I was doing and it felt awesome. I wasn’t even question about being there so often, because it was me being at play.

I grew up in church (Pentecostal) and I was always taught that being gay is wrong and is an abomination to God, therefore I have always pushed the feeling of being attracted to the same sex away, besides I didn’t understand what those feelings meant. Liking boys was the norm and I delve into that norm, hoping to feel normal. But even though I was trying to feel ‘normal’ by talking to boys, I felt no form of attraction towards boys, there was simply no chemistry. Also I was more confused than anything because my parents would say “not until you are forty (40)” when a boy would come to the gate, trying to talk to me. Therefore I was scared to even talk to boys. Girls could come over and it would be OK, because it’s considered ‘OK’.

I started dating my first girlfriend at eighteen (18) and it felt like the real me and to me it felt like the norm. Of course I couldn’t tell my parents about it; hence I hid it or was in the closet as what some people call it. My step dad found a letter that I hid and immediately told my mother about it and lets just say it didn’t go down well. I was told that God did not make Adam and Steve and its wrong. It didn’t change my feelings and I didn’t stop seeing her, however it was done in the closet and I would deny it to my parents as well. She couldn’t drop me off at the gate and she was no longer allowed to come to the house.

It was quite easy for me to be out in public with another female, because it was more tolerable. I however did not do anything to offend anyone and I lived by “It’s my life and I live how I want to, however I won’t push it in anyone’s face.”

For the most part being in Jamaica and being gay is rough because persons will get mobbed and to some extent I was scared. I hated walking on the road with my partner especially when she dresses a little less feminine. It was evident that we were together and men would make sly remarks about us wanting a ‘cocky’ instead of tongue in our ‘pussies’. There was no major harassment, however I could not be the real me because it was looked down upon and I was scared of being mobbed. When my partner and I go out, whether to the supermarket or just to have a meal all eyes are on us and you can just see person’s minds turning. We have never really encountered any major issues and that is solely based on us being in the closet. That ‘code of living’ seems to work while living in Jamaica and it makes it easier for us to get around.

Being in another country other than Jamaica has granted me the privilege of being me, it is much easier for me to go about my business and not be judged or looked down upon. It felt so good to be able to walk out in public and hold my partner’s hands and even sneak a kiss or two. No one cares. I still don’t push anything in anyone’s face.

I believe it’s our life and we live it how we deemed it fit. Jamaica, I believe will never accept homosexuality and that in itself is OK; because its just our culture and religion.

Anyone should be able to live their life how they want to and be who they want to without being scared of society. Bottom line, if you are gay and living in Jamaica, you have to live in a closet.


Beauty Trends; Break Free

The beauty industry has been on top of its game lately, with every beauty company coming out with various beauty products, basically everyday. Trends are easily set and followed and the beauty industry catches and hangs on to the curtails of such trends.

The technique ‘Strobbing’ became a huge beauty technique and people went crazy over it. I personally do not like the technique. My oily skin will shine like a disco ball in a dark night club normally and then to add extra sheen to it?! No way hose!

Strobbing is simply, highlighting the highest points on your face to catch light. Now you would think that highlighting is already done during the foundation application phase of applying your makeup, using a concealer one to two shades lighter than your actual skin tone; however, it is actually putting a shimmering highlighter on your cheekbones, brow bone, tip of your nose, top of your cupid’s bow (the area right below your nose on your upper lip) and the temples of your head. In my mind it is basically, dipping your face in fried chicken oil. Now can you imagine sheen upon oily skin?! Total mess.

Every season, beauty products change. I love makeup, however, I personally do not feel the need to be purchasing new makeup every season, because of trends. Why cant I wear cranberry lipstick or olive green eye shadow during summer? I get that it is hot and no one wants to be burden down with heavy makeup, but isn’t that the whole point of makeup anyways, to wear whatever you desire that makes you feel good about yourself?

Is it that these beauty companies are creating these trends to dig more money out of our pockets? I think that is the case.

I love warm tone colors all year round, it doesn’t matter if its cold out or not; maybe it has to do with the fact that I am from a tropical country or maybe certain colors looks ridiculous on me? Either way, I do not want to feel like I am subjected to seasonal colors and trends. I will wear any color I feel like wearing anytime of the year. Besides, not every trend looks good on everyone. Do what makes you comfortable and break free from beauty trends.